


all the hurts (i'll be okay)

by amako



Series: ShikaSakuWeek Hanami 2019 [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Caretaking, Chronic Pain, Disabled Character, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Permanent Injury, Physical Disability, Post-Fourth Shinobi War, References to Depression, ShikaSaku Hanami 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-29 10:40:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18222020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amako/pseuds/amako
Summary: “I'm sorry. There's nothing we can do.”“I know, Izumi-san.”The doctor nods, avoiding Sakura's eyes. Taking a deep breath, Sakura musters a small, sincere smile for her apprentice.“It's alright. You did a good job.”





	all the hurts (i'll be okay)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for ShikaSaku Hanami 2019  
> Day 1: the rusty end of a blade
> 
> this one is going to hurt, i'm warning you. i mean, you should be used to the angst empire that my ao3 account is by now, but still.
> 
> yama means mountain and hime means princess, they're nicknames they have for each other because one is a protector and the other deserves a nice compliment. you'll see.

“I'm sorry. There's nothing we can do.”

“I know, Izumi-san.”

 

The doctor nods, avoiding Sakura's eyes. Taking a deep breath, Sakura musters a small, sincere smile for her apprentice.

 

“It's alright. You did a good job.”

Izumi's mouth twists into a bitter rictus. “It wasn't enough. It's _not_ enough, Haruno-sensei.”

“It is what it is,” Sakura sighs. “I know I taught you self-diagnosis is heresy outside of the field, but I think I'm well enough to go home. Would you mind discharging me?”

 

Izumi hesitates. Sakura knows what the woman is thinking, but she remains as calm as the situation allows her to be. She's right, and Izumi knows that, no matter how protective her apprentice wants to be.

 

“I can't let you go home alone, you know that.”

“I'll ask my team to help, alright? At least one of them can move in until I get the hang of this.”

“And you need to come back for PT and the fitting and—”

“Izumi.” Her voice is stern, dropping the honorific on purpose.

“Yes, Haruno-sensei. Here's your discharge form. You know what to do.”

 

Sakura nods and verifies all the informations before Izumi signs it. The doctor brings the wheelchair next to the bed and sends a questioning look to her teacher. Sakura nods again, so Izumi lifts her up in her arms before lowering Sakura carefully into the wheelchair.

They leave the room, passing through corridors where everyone recognizes the former Head of Konoha Central. Some come to salute her, others wave from afar, but they're all smiling. No one mentions the wheelchair, not because they're afraid of offending (this is a hospital, no one knows how to treat patients better than them) but because they're so relieved of seeing her alive. Why speak of her state when they're overjoyed to see her leave, to see her _well enough_ to leave?

One of the genin on call at the desk take over from Izumi once they reach the doors leading to the street. Izumi puts her hand on Sakura's shoulder, her professional expression betrayed by the distress in her eyes.

 

“You'll be okay, shishō.”

“I will. Go save some lives, Izu-chan.”

 

Lips pressed together to hide her sorrow, Izumi nods once before turning back, her white coat like a cape behind her.

 

“Alright kid, let's go. Do you know where the Uzumaki House is?”

“It's next to the Hyūga Compound, right?”

“You got it. Take me there, please.”

 

The villagers don't have the professionalism of the hospital staff. Most are just staring, grief or pity obvious on their face. Some come to talk to her, giving her condolences. Sakura bites back acidic responses, because as far as she knows, she isn't dead yet. She knows they mean well, but shit, it's getting old really fast.

Soon enough, the genin goes through back alleys and small streets in the civilian districts to escape the main points of interests in the village and she finally gets some peace. She makes a mental name to tip the boy once she's home, and she hopes he'll go places. He seems like a smart, good kid. And he got her to her destination half as short as she was expecting. She stares, surprised, at the elevated floor of the traditional house and the small step leading to it, and it dawns on her how complicated her life is going to be.

 

She sighs, already feeling a knot forming in her throat. “Can you go knock on the door, please?”

 

The genin nods, hurrying to the rice paper panel and ringing the small bell, knocking at the same time. Sakura can feel the seal on the wood, that probably warns whoever is inside at any time that someone is at the door. It's pretty neat, maybe she'll ask Karin to teach her the seal one day.

 

“Yes?”

“Hello, Neji.”

 

Sakura summons every ounce of strength she has, and gives him a strained smile. He stares back at her, eyes wide, his skin paling slightly when he looks at the wheelchair and takes in her whole body.

 

“Sakura,” he breathes.

 

She nods, not finding the words past the tears she's fighting against. Neji comes out of the house, eating the distance with a haste that squeezes her heart with painful warmth.

 

“You— can I do... do you want me to get Naruto?”

“It's fine, Neji, don't worry. I'm under orders not to live alone, and I was wondering if maybe Sai or Naruto could move in with me, until Shikamaru comes back. But I can come back later.”

“No, no, stop that. Don't be an idiot. You're coming inside. We'll figure this out.”

 

She smiles, more genuine this time, and reaches behind her for the bag hanging from the handle. She finds her wallet and hands a couple thousands ryō to the genin, who takes them with a bright red face and spluttering thanks.

She gets it. She was a civilian kid too, once, and the obscene amount of money they got from completing the only Kami-Rank mission in history didn't change who she is inside. If she can spread some of her luck around by giving a genin enough money to buy himself an entire set of weapons and first-aid kits, she won't let anything stop her.

 

“I'm afraid the step is going to be a problem.”

“Yes, of course. Can I— I'm not trying to be offensive, I swear.” She's never seen him so unsure, and it's making her nauseous. She stops that line of thought immediately.

“Yes, Neji, you can carry me.”

“Thanks the Spirits,” he whispers so low she almost doesn't hear it.

 

That gets a surprised laugh out of her, until he reaches to slip his arms under her, lifting her in an ojō-sama carry. No matter how much painkiller they gave her, Neji's hands on her are excruciating. She groans, a long whine filtering through her clenched teeth. Neji is murmuring sorrys in her ear as he reaches the door.

He brings her to the kotatsu room and sits her down on a huge cushion, the fabric a rich crimson that reminds her of her own clan's colours. Then he fetches the wheelchair and leaves it in a corner of the room.

 

“Can I get you something to drink, or to eat?”

“I'm a bit hungry, but anything is fine, really. Do what's easiest for you.”

 

Neji nods and leaves the room. Sakura lets her face contort from the pain, while she massages her legs with the ball of her palms. Neji is acting a bit odd, but then this is his new default with her since the war. His respect isn't something she had earned until the mission to save Gaara, and even then, it was more of a distant recognition of her skills than true respect.

Then he was stupid enough to step in between Hinata and spikes of poisonous chakra. She had watched the scene from afar, horrified at the sight of his body pierced by the huge spikes. She had seen, clear as day, the expression on his face as Naruto gathered him into his arms. He didn't expect to survive this.

Like all her comrades, Sakura is a lip-reader. Her heart had broken when she saw Neji whisper his love into Naruto's ear. She had her suspicions about the nature of his feelings all the way since the chūnin exams. Naruto had such an impact on Neji, and she heard him talk with Tenten while she was in medical after her fight against Ino.

Most of their promotion must have known; Neji wasn't exactly subtle. But they all followed his lead once they saw he wasn't saying anything to Naruto. He stepped down once he saw how Hinata kept acting near Naruto, despite the boy's constant obliviousness and lack of interest. Sakura would wager he thought if he left his place to his cousin, she might actually win his heart. History proved him wrong. Hinata kept trying, Naruto kept not seeing her, and Neji suffered.

So when he had given his life, it had felt like such unfairness. Sakura had watched the scene with the rest of her Division, the painful thought that this war was taking everything from them. She had looked down on the woman she was desperately trying to save. Suddenly, a man shunshined next to her, looking worn out and desperate.

 

“Save him,” he said. “He's one of the greatest fighters we have in this war. Losing him will lead to so many deaths. Just... leave my sister. Leave her, and save him.”

Sakura had felt all her soul leave her body when she said, “I need your assurance that you fully understand me changing posts will result in the death of your sister and that you consent to the change.”

“Yes, I understand and I consent.”

 

Those words had sealed the woman's and Neji's fate, and were one of the reasons for Neji's current respect and demure attitude towards her compared to the insolence, bordering on contempt he could show to other people.

Now Neji is bringer her a few skewers of sweet and spicy pork and a big bowl of rice. The chopsticks make her pause.

 

“This is going to be embarrassing.”

Neji grits his teeth. “Listen to me. This is a mess. But it's a mess thanks to you. If you hadn't been there, it would have been a genocide. It's terrible what happened to you, but the last place you're going to find embarrassment is here.” He picks up the chopsticks and takes a small chunk of sticky rice, putting it against her lips. “Now eat.”

 

The first few days are a nightmare. Soon enough, she isn't alone with Neji anymore. Naruto comes home first, back from his training to become an Academy teacher. Sakura is still amazed that out of them both, his husband is the one doing politics. Naruto let go of his dream of becoming Hokage once the Uzumaki Clan was rebuilt enough to be seen as such, and thus gave him somewhere to belong, and people who _saw him_.

Instead, he followed in Iruka's footsteps. And he's doing amazing. The kids love him, when he's allowed to teach classes as practice for his exam, and he's never been so happy of doing anything. She feels like she's seeing him bloom for the first time, after years of chasing after him and his tired sadness of being abandoned that he'd hide behind wide smiles. She's so happy for him.

Neji represents Clan Uzumaki in Council sessions for the Hokage. He advises on village matters, like the others Clan Heads, though that isn't truly his position. His is a little different, because Naruto is technically Clan Head but Neji is the one with the training from his years being groomed by the Hyūga. Naruto gave him a lot of official responsibilities, that allow him to sit at the Council between other things.

Neji's dream of changing things is well on its way to be accomplished. He works closely with Hinata and Hanabi, joint Clan Heads of the Hyūga, to abolish the Cursed Seal. He works as well as Name Carrier at the Daimyō Court. He carries the Uzumaki name to Court by his presence, which is both a privilege and a huge responsibility. That means he also has to handle adoption pleas from Land of Fire's citizens who aren't Konoha residents (those are Naruto's responsibility).

He's often out on representative missions or trade, trying to broker alliances for the remains of his clan. Uzumaki Neji is dedicated to make his clan a proud, stable, healthy one, and the Hyūga mourn his loss every day.

Karin is a lab researcher, she used to be under Sakura's orders when Sakura was still working at the hospital. She and Tenten have an amazing daughter, Tsunade, who was Sakura's last work as a medic and researcher before her year-long mission that had her miss the birth. Karin asked as a favour that Sakura figure out a way to mix Tenten's and hers DNA and Tenten was the one to carry Tsunade, because the abuse Karin suffered from her kekkei-genkai made for a risky pregnancy. Sakura was more than happy to do so, and thus Tsunade was born.

She has the Uzumaki red hair and chakra reserves, and she babbles with an amount of happiness one can only hope for a baby. With Tsunade, the Uzumaki Clan has five members. It's a huge improvement given where the clan comes from, but the genetic pool is small and Sakura despairs to see it go away. If there is one clan that deserves to be revived, it's the Uzumaki, the Uchiha be damned.

With all of them helping whenever and however they can, she knows she could have it much harder. But the nerve damage in her entire body is extensive, her nervous network sometimes jumping, sending shockwaves through her entire system. Holding chopsticks was just the start of her issues with holding or using things.

And that's without mentioning the Tailed Beast in the room, the reason she's still in a wheelchair.

The Uzumaki House is big. Their clan couldn't get a Compound due to their small numbers so the Hokage gave them this mansion instead. It's more a network of a few smaller houses, connected by corridors framing two inner gardens with a pond and a training ground. The two main families each have their own house, with all the living quarters being shared spaces. Sai, the first to ask for adoption into the Uzumaki Clan, has quarters too. His papers are being processed and he should officially be an Uzumaki soon, bringing the total to six.

Sakura wishes she could get out of the house more. She wants to see her friends. She wants to eat lunch with Chōji, say hello to his and Ino's kids. She wants to stop by the Hokage tower on her way to the mountain, ask Kiba how his dream come true has been treating him, if being Hokage is everything it's cracked up to be. And once on top of the mountain, she wants to look down at the village that nursed her and healed her countless times, and feel the warmth of all her precious people living their life.

Instead, she's stuck inside, getting used to her shaking hands with a shitty grasp, getting used to moving around in a wheelchair and the constant pain radiating from her entire body. The exhaustion alone—

 

“Sakura?”

 

She sucks in a breath, the shock of hearing his voice so close to her making her heart beat too fast. Light-headed, she turns her wheelchair to face him.

 

“You're home,” she breathes.

“Shinigami, what happened to you?” He stumbles forward, falling on his knees in front of her. “Sakura,” he chokes, his hands hovering where the void should have been her right leg.

 

She can't control the tears falling down. She's so happy to see him it _hurts_.

 

“I came back a bit early from the mission,” she tries to joke. It falls flat when Shikamaru starts to cry as well.

“No one told me. I would have come back earlier.”

“Hey, it's ok. It's alright.”

“What happened?”

 

She sighs, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. She feels something strange on her other hand, and she looks down to see Shikamaru's wrapped around her own. Her nerves aren't sending her that information. It feels more like a cat is walking all over her knuckles, and Shikamaru is noticing how dead her hand is. If it was possible, his face falls even more.

 

“Infection. You know they sent me to contain the epidemic. It took me the better part of last year. I synthesized a cure and while I was covering the country to spread it as much as possible, I was attacked by those who created the virus in the first place. They refused to see me destroy their work and all the money they were making with their false cure. I was protecting the cart with all the vials and my guards died one by one. I was forced into a defensive position because I couldn't let any harm come to the cure, and one of them got to me in the leg, and while I was down, he nicked a couple of nerves in my spine. I managed to kill all of them but...”

“But the damage was done.” They both look up, to see Karin coming through the garden door. “Her nerves don't receive the information as well as they used to, so she'll be shaking and having a hard time holding anything with any amount of strength for a long time. I'm confident physical therapy will greatly improve it, however. And then, there was her leg.”

Sakura nods. “His katana was poorly cared for, and the blade was rusty. I think he used that as an advantage, because their medical knowledge was impressive enough to create a devastating virus that turned into an epidemic big enough to threaten the entirety of Kiri's countryside. He did something to the rust, I'm not sure what, that made it undetectable with medical chakra. When I healed myself, my chakra was fooled into thinking the rust was the same kind of iron as the one in my bloodstream.”

“She caught an infection, and by the time the cure shipment had made it to Kiri to be spread by their own shinobi, it was too late. Her whole leg was gangrenous, rotting from the inside. They had to amputate in Kiri, before she could be shipped back to Konoha.”

“I thought— what about the prosthetics Tsunade-sama invented?” White as a sheet, he looks between the two of them, desperate for good news.

“Maybe one day, but not soon. Even if they cut the infected tissues, the problem still remains that we have no way to differentiate the rust from the iron produced by her body. She could have some left, and if we attach the prosthetic, with the way it connects to the nerves to make it behave like a limb, and the infection develops again, we'll basically be cutting her leg a second time, pain and recovery time included.”

 

Shikamaru nods, a cold sweat on his brow that Sakura doesn't hesitate to wipe clean with her small fingers. She's lost some weight, recently, outside of the obvious loss of bone and flesh from her amputation.

 

“Hey, Shikamaru.” He looks up at her, caressing gently her cheek while nodding in question. “Would you like to take me to the park? We can get dango on the way, and play shōgi on the public boards.”

His eyes soften. “Of course. I'd love to.”

 

Karin smiles, true happiness shining through her features. She bends down and puts a gentle kiss on Sakura's forehead. Between her gratefulness for Tsunade's birth, the kinship born from the hurt Sasuke inflicted on both of them, the freedom gained when he was banished from the village after the war, and the tender, genuine love Sakura gives and receives from the whole Uzumaki Clan, it's no wonder they grew closer.

 

“Have fun, Yama,” she smiles against Sakura's skin.

“I will. Thank you, Hime.”

 

Shikamaru grabs the handles of the wheelchair, a bit awkward at first until he figures out all the new additions to the house that made it easier for Sakura. Using the new ramp, they leave the Uzumaki House behind, and Sakura goes into the world for the first time since she left the hospital.

But this time, she has her husband at her back, protecting her, her backup in life and in combat. His hand squeezes her shoulder, and this time she feels it like she should do. It makes her shiver in pleasure.

 

“You're perfect, Sakura. I'm so glad you're finally home.”

 

She closes her eyes and enjoys the sun on her face, the hand on her shoulder, and the quiet whispers of Shikamaru, humming her favourite song.

 


End file.
